Arrested development

Today's tip for aspiring criminals: If you simply must steal that giant pepper logo from atop the local Chili's restaurant, you might want to get a battery-powered drill.

Police say four young people in Bennington, VT, succeeded in removing the $8,000 pepper sign, using an electric drill to remove the bolts holding it in place. To power the drill, the youths strung 470 feet of extension cords, including a stretch across a busy street. The cord didn't seem to bother motorists, and it was the restaurant's alarm, not the extension cords, that alerted police.

Full story here.

Boyspeak

Two 17-year-olds, slumping past on their way to my son's bedroom:

My son: "We're gonna go play 'Halo.'"
His friend: "I am the lord of all things 'Halo.'"

And a birdbeak stereo . . .

I don't understand why, with all our scientific advancements in cloning, etc., we can't develop animals to do our household chores for us.

For instance, I would happily house an anteater-like creature that would hoover up my carpets. I'm tired of pushing around a loud piece of machinery that breaks if it picks up a crumb. No, don't try to sell me a better vacuum or a Roomba or whatever. I want a critter that feeds on dust.

Haven't these scientists ever seen "The Flintstones?"

PS: Birdbeak Stereo would be a good name for a band.

You're doing it wrong

A former inmate in Florida has been injured on a 12-foot-tall fence when he tried to climb back into the jail.

Sylvester Jiles, 24, had been held on a manslaughter charge, but was released after a plea deal. Later, he showed at the jail, begging corrections officers to let him back inside because the family of the manslaughter victim was gunning for him. The guards couldn't just take him in, so he tried to climb the fence and hurt himself on the barbed wire.

Full story here.

Woodstock?

I look out the patio windows and there in our relatively small in-ground pool is our oldest son, the wandering minstrel with the blond dreadlocks, and five of his equally filthy freak-flag-flying friends, swimming and splashing and having the time of their lives.

I turned to my wife and said, "Hippie soup."