Marijuana heists in fact and fiction

A cannabis collective in Redding, CA, has been robbed twice in the past few weeks by handgun-wielding bandits. I'd say it's a case of life imitating art, but the heists happened before the publication this week of my new crime novel THE BIG WINK.

In THE BIG WINK, handgun-wielding robbers knock over half a dozen marijuana dispensaries in Redding. The story follows the robbers as they go to ground after one of their robberies goes wrong. In my novel, the hunt for the robbers draws national attention, and people on all sides of the medical marijuana debate try to push their own agendas.

I wrote THE BIG WINK a year ago, in case you were wondering. I no longer live in Redding and can account for my whereabouts on the dates of the real-life robberies.

Full story here.

Please judge this book by its cover

Check out the terrific cover art for my soon-to-be-released crime novel, THE BIG WINK.

THE BIG WINK is my look at the medical marijuana movement. Set on the fringes of the Emerald Triangle in Northern California, the novel features a gang of misfit armed robbers who are knocking over cannabis dispensaries. When a local banker is shot during one of the robberies, the law can't look the other way anymore. The cops turn up the heat.

THE BIG WINK is the third in a trio of standalone novels set in and around Redding, CA; the others are BANK JOB and the recent hit CALABAMA. I poke a lot of fun at the "Ozarks of California," but the community reaction to the medical marijuana boom in my novel reflects what's really been happening across the country.

As for that brilliant cover art, it's designed by my wife Kelly Brewer, who's done several of my e-book covers. I think this one is her best yet.

Expect to see THE BIG WINK on Kindle and Smashwords by the end of the week. Don't worry, I'll let you know as soon as it's available. ;-)

Opening lines with bite

Never argue with a man whose tattoos outnumber his teeth.

One of my Rules for Successful Living, and also the opening line of my new crime novel, CALABAMA. Eric Newlin, the slacker protagonist, has many such rules for surviving life among the hippies and hillbillies of far Northern California, and they're sprinkled throughout. In the course of CALABAMA, Eric manages to break every rule.

CALABAMA debuts June 15 on Kindle, Smashwords and other e-book platforms. Only $2.99. Please tell all your friends.

Here are two more openers I like. From my Bubba Mabry novel DIRTY POOL: Friends come and go, but enemies are forever.

And, from BULLETS: Some people are ridiculously easy to kill.

Got favorites?

Talkin' about sufferin'

Voiceover: "They get rich trafficking in human misery. They prey on the poor and the stupid and the immoral. Drug dealers? No, an even worse form of lowlife: Daytime talk show hosts. Today on 'Dr. Feel.'"

(Theme music plays. Camera pans hopeful crowd before settling on large bald man.)

Dr. Feel: "Today, we're talkin' about a social ill that infects our whole country. Whether you live in a small town or a big city, whether you're in a healthy relationship or one tainted by alcohol and abuse, whether you feel good about yourself or not, at some point you've watched daytime TV. Maybe you were unemployed or home sick with the flu, but you gave in to the talk show temptation. Next thing you know, you're watchin' some shriekin' trailer trash havin' a fistfight because somebody slept with the family goat. You know you watched it. Take responsibility for your actions! You can't get anywhere in life unless you own up to your own victimization!"

(Applause)

Dr. Feel: "Our first guest today is Montel. He's a striking man, might even have good advice to dispense. But he's addicted to discussin' other people's adultery."

Montel: "Wait a min--"

Dr. Feel: "Hang on there, Montel. Let me finish before you get your nose out of joint. Like we say down home, you can't chase the chickens with a sack over your head."

Montel: "Huh?"

Dr. Feel: "What are your qualifications, Montel? How come you don't have 'Doctor' in front of your name, like some of us?"

Montel: "You son of a--"

Dr. Feel: "Let me interrupt you there. I want to bring someone else into the conversation. Joinin' us now is Pat, a relative newcomer to daytime TV."

Pat: "Thanks. Good to be here. I've often--"

Dr. Feel: "Let me cut in there, Pat. Aren't you just another rich white guy who owned a professional sports franchise?"

Pat: "I'm an experienced motiva--"

Dr. Feel: "How does that qualify you to give advice to everyday folks?"

Pat: "I feel I have a lot to offer--"

Dr. Feel: "Do you think people in this country mistake wealth for talent or ability?"

Pat: "I've never really--"

Dr. Feel: "What I'm sayin' here, Pat, and please let me finish before you go shootin' your mouth off, is this: Just because a fella's rich doesn't mean he's smart, right?"

Pat: "What are you--"

Dr. Feel: "I mean, heck, Saddam Hussein was worth billions, but I wouldn't want his advice on how to live!"

(Appreciative applause.)

Dr. Feel: "Our next guest is the daddy of 'em all when it comes to mockin' human suffering. Please give a warm welcome to Jerry!"

(Crazed hooting and whistling.)

Dr. Feel: "So, Jerry, do you ever feel guilty about taking advantage of the morons who trot out their personal problems on your show?"

Jerry: "I beg your pard--"

Dr. Feel: "Where do you find those losers anyway? We need to get us some of those. Haha."

Jerry: "I, um--"

Dr. Feel: "You encourage your guests to fight, don't you, Jerry? C'mon, admit it. You provide foldin' chairs for 'em. You're the World Wrestling Federation of talk shows--"

Jerry picks up chair and brains Dr. Feel.

(Theme music. Audience cheers while Pat and Montel take turns stomping Dr. Feel.)

Voiceover: "Tune in tomorrow when Dr. Feel comes to you live from a hospital suite! Nurse Glenda has a bad attitude because she's got no man in her life! Can Dr. Feel help her? Or will she inject him with an artery-clogging air bubble? Tomorrow, on 'Dr. Feel!'"

The language of Calabama

While putting gas in my minivan, I note the nearest car, which is a banged-up piece of crap last cleaned around 1983. The driver's a tattooed goober in a gimme cap. His obese wife lethargically chews gum as if it were cud. Beanie Babies fill the rear windshield.

Their bumper sticker: "We speak English in this country -- Learn It or Leave!"

Take me with you when you go, por favor.