Supplies, supplies

INTERNAL MEMO
Marketing Dept.
Megalotta Office Stuff Inc.

Comrades:

As you know, we've made terrific progress in capturing the market of people who work out of their homes. This growing market of suckers, nearly 20 million strong, has shown itself to be vulnerable to various sales approaches when it comes to office supplies. We have succeeded in identifying these approaches, and those inroads have been reflected in booming sales at our
236,405 huge retail warehouses nationwide.

To remain competitive, we must find other ways to persuade America's workers to buy gimcracks and doodads for their home offices. We must convince these workers they NEED our products. This memo will outline some possible strategies. We here in Marketing thought we'd run them up the flagpole and see who bends over. We look forward to your input and further suggestions for capturing this valuable market.

RECEIPTS

Our itemized receipts have been very popular with at-home workers who use them for tax purposes and to seek reimbursement from their employers. But we can do more to help our clientele. For now on, all sales of our popular computer games software, such as "Flight Simulator," will read out on cash register receipts as "envelopes."

PAPER SHREDDERS

Here at headquarters we know most offices don't need a paper shredder. What's so secret that these workers need to shred? What are they, the Pentagon? But paper shredders have proven to be hot sales items in recent months. We believe the people buying these shredders are what we here in Marketing call ASUEEs (All Stocked Up on Everything Else). The ASUEEs are a fickle market and soon will move on to something else -- probably DVD drives. Therefore, we must find ways to move these shredders to the more discerning shoppers. We propose an advertising campaign highlighting the benefits of confetti. One can never have too much confetti on hand. What if a party breaks out? And there's always the possibility a tickertape parade might pass by your window. We think this approach will sway those fence-sitters who still haven't purchased a shredder.

SOFTWARE

Our Technology Department is in the process of developing a new suite of home office programs that will allow the average at-home worker to draft documents, store files, send e-mail, create charts, do illustrations, keep accounting records, send faxes and figure his taxes, all without ever getting out of his chair. We believe the new Deluxe Home Office Suite For Idiots 2001 will be a "must-have" for techno-geeks who work at home. Naturally, the new suite will be incompatible with all existing operating systems. But our Technology Department is working up a new operating system that will retail for only $249.99. Plan for the Christmas rush now!

HEADSET PHONES

These items, which clip right onto one's head and leave the hands free, are proving very popular with home-office types, particularly those who like to pretend they're pilots while playing "Flight Simulator." Display them prominently and move 'em out!

THE BASICS

We're not forgetting our root market here. We know most people shop Megalotta Office Stuff Inc. for the basics -- paper, pens, clipboards, staplers, file folders. The problem with these items is they last too long. A shopper buys, say, a stapler for his home office and he's set for life! He'll never need another stapler. And one box of 3,000 staples will last him years. This isn't the sort of high turnover we want. We need those customers to walk through the door every week, so they have an opportunity to ogle the latest product offerings, such as paper shredders. Therefore, we have redesigned most of our basic items and are now manufacturing them out of the finest Indonesian plastic. File shelves, staplers, pencil holders, even office furniture will now be constructed of this particularly brittle blend of polymers. The slightest use results in breakage. We'll still carry items made of more durable material, such as metal, but their prices will be quadrupled to encourage customers to go with the plastic. You can bet we'll be seeing those customers again!

That's it for now from Marketing. Next week: The latest in electronic organizers!