Opening lines with bite

Never argue with a man whose tattoos outnumber his teeth.

One of my Rules for Successful Living, and also the opening line of my new crime novel, CALABAMA. Eric Newlin, the slacker protagonist, has many such rules for surviving life among the hippies and hillbillies of far Northern California, and they're sprinkled throughout. In the course of CALABAMA, Eric manages to break every rule.

CALABAMA debuts June 15 on Kindle, Smashwords and other e-book platforms. Only $2.99. Please tell all your friends.

Here are two more openers I like. From my Bubba Mabry novel DIRTY POOL: Friends come and go, but enemies are forever.

And, from BULLETS: Some people are ridiculously easy to kill.

Got favorites?

New novel on the way

Here's a first look at the cover art for my new crime novel, CALABAMA. Cool, huh?

The cover was designed by Kelly Brewer, who's done several of my e-book covers. She's also an excellent copy editor. I married well.

CALABAMA comes out June 15 via Kindle, Smashwords and other e-book platforms. Only $2.99.

CALABAMA is "hillbilly noir" in the vein of TV's "Justified" or Daniel Woodrell's "Winter's Bone," but it's set in the wilds of Northern California. It's the story of Eric Newlin, a slacker who works for his father-in-law in the remote town of Redding. Eric survives a near-miss in traffic, and decides it's an omen: His life is about to change. And he's right. His life goes right down the toilet. Within days, he's fallen so far that he finds himself mixed up in a kidnapping scheme with a local crimelord named Rydell Vance.

I recently read the manuscript again, getting it ready for publication, and the dark humor still cracks me up. Hope others feel the same way.

New life to older books

My current bestseller on Kindle is a good example of how backlist books get new life as e-books.

"End Run," first of two mysteries featuring Albuquerque sportswriter Drew Gavin, came out in 2000. It's still available in hardcover/paperback, but sales had slowed to a trickle by 2011. Same with the sequel, "Cheap Shot," which was published only in hardcover by Intrigue Press.

But those two books are leading the pack this month on Kindle. "End Run" has sold a couple more copies than "Cheap Shot." Coming in third so far in May is my first novel, 1994's "Lonely Street," which was second to "Cheap Shot" in April.

I've got my entire backlist up on Kindle and Smashwords, along with several humor books and "Firepower," a thriller that was an e-book original. Another new novel is coming soon!

You're doing it wrong

If you're in the middle of a high-speed chase and you're driving a stolen truck, it probably won't help to throw your prosthetic leg at the pursuing officers.

A man in Shasta County, CA, tried that very thing and, as you can read here, the cops still caught him after he ran over several spike bars and crashed the truck.

You can insert your own joke about how he'll do in court.

You're doing it wrong

Today's tip for aspiring criminals: After you've successfully knocked over a convenience store, it's a bad idea to go back to that same store for cigarettes the next day.

As reported here, an 18-year-old man in Florida forgot this important lesson, and was promptly arrested after the store clerk recognized him from the robbery the night before. The robber had worn a mask, but had let it slip and the clerk had seen his face.

Extra weird: The robber stole $500 and several packs of Newports. So why was he buying more cigarettes the next day? A nice, non-smoking jail may save this young man from himself.