For sale: My memorabilia

News Item I Can’t Get Out of My Mind: A lock of John Lennon’s hair sold for $48,000 in a London auction of Beatles memorabilia.

An anonymous telephone bidder purchased the hair, which had been saved by Betty Glasow, the Beatles’ hairdresser during their heyday. The auction house, Gorringes, had estimated the hair would go for $4,000 to $6,000. After it sold for much more, a Gorringes spokeswoman said, “the sale goes to prove that John Lennon is still an icon.”

It also proves that somebody’s got much more money than they’ve got good sense. I like the Beatles as much as the next guy, but $48,000 for a snippet of hair? Clearly, there are still rich collectors out there who are willing to be clipped. (Har.)

For that much money, I’d cut off all my hair, including my beard, and hand it over. I’d gladly embrace the cueball look for a while if it meant $48,000 in the bank. For $48,000, I’d sell the only existing locks of my sons’ baby hair. Heck, for $48,000, I’d track YOU down and cut off all your hair and sell it.

I’ve been thinking of ways to take advantage of the collectible market. I’m no icon like John Lennon, but I have a lot of stuff I’d be willing to sell, if only I could connect with the anonymous bidders who have tons of money. Maybe I can convince one of the fancy auction houses to sell off my memorabilia.

Here are some samples:

--T-shirt from a 1981 Rolling Stones concert at the Cotton Bowl in Dallas. Size: Medium. Color: Flesh-tone with strange race-car logo on the front and slight discoloration at armpits. Suggested opening bid: $5,000.

--Copies of my high school yearbook, The Zebra, from years 1973 through 1975. Yearbooks include numerous photos of me engaged in school activities, as well as scrawled dedications and notes from friends recalling my most embarrassing moments. Suggested opening bid: $4,000 each.

--Even more rare: A copy of a junior high yearbook, which includes a picture of me, in uniform, as the World’s Scrawniest Football Player. Suggested opening bid: $4,500.

--Thirty-five years’ worth of accumulated eyeglasses, including some oversized Elton John-ish ones from the 1980s, all collected in a stylish Hush Puppies box. Suggested opening bid: $3,000.

--Early manuscripts of my books and other writings. Suggested opening bid: $100 per pound.

--A collection of vinyl records by artists ranging from Muddy Waters to Willie Nelson to Foghat. Suggested opening bid: Whatever the market will bear.

--Performance evaluations from various jobs, all collected into a crumpled manila folder. Suggested opening bid: 2 cents, which is what they were worth at the time, too.

--Desk calendars from the past five years, including my scribbled appointments, plans and aspirations, most of them scratched out. Suggested opening bid: $400 each.

--Several pairs of denim jeans in sizes much smaller than will currently fit. Suggested opening bid: $200 each.

--A fist-sized chunk of black lava rock that I stole from a national park. Suggested opening bid: $100.

--Assorted whiskers and beard trimmings, collected from bathroom sink. Suggested opening bid: $10.

--Fingernail clippings from last week. Suggested opening bid: $5.

Looking back over these items, I can see how it might be tough to interest Gorringes or Sotheby’s in conducting an auction, unless I can somehow become an icon sometime soon. I’ll work on that.

In the meantime, there’s always e-Bay.