Hot fun in the summertime

Memorial Day weekend traditionally marks the beginning of summer, the season for sweaty outdoor activities such as camping, boating and picnicking.

Brace yourself, ladies. Outdoor fun makes your men randy.

Maybe it’s all that fresh air or an animal instinct, but an “overwhelming majority” of men report that being outdoors boosts their sexual desire, according to a new study by the Kinsey Institute.

Scientists set up six focus groups in which 50 men between the ages of 18 and 70 were asked about sexuality and arousal. The answers revealed a wide range of variety and nuance.

“This study’s challenging the idea that men are simple,” Dr. Erick Janssen, one of the study’s authors, told Reuters news service.

“There’s huge variability among men in how easily they’re turned on or turned off, how easily they experience sexual desire and arousal,” he said. “The differences among men and the differences among women are much larger than the average difference between the sexes.”

Not surprisingly, the men reported being turned on by a nice body and a pretty face (preferably on the same woman). But they also said looks aren’t everything.

Men find intelligence to be “really attractive,” and a self-confident partner to be more desirable than one who doesn’t feel good about herself, the study said.

Their own confidence was important to the men as well, with many reporting that feeling good about themselves often led to feeling sexually aroused, while “feeling scruffy” had the opposite effect. (“Scruffy” sounds like a dog. Maybe it belongs to the aforementioned Randy.)

The outdoors component concerns us today, as we launch into steamy temperatures and open-air activities.

Summer is chock-full of sexually loaded elements such as suntans, sweat, bare skin, bikinis and beer. A day at the beach can cause whiplash.

But it’s not all about gawking. What’s arousing is the very act of being in the Great Outdoors, where wild animals howl and sunshine throbs and hot breezes whisper through the trees.

Men feel more manly when they’re hiking in the woods or bobbing on the lake. Being surrounded by nature takes them back to their primitive roots, and makes them feel protective of their partners. They’re ready to face bears or bad weather or balky barbecue grills. They want to kill their own food, make their own shelter, live by their wits. It’s all about survival, baby, and what could be more arousing than that?

Well, I can think of a few things. A soft bed comes to mind. Air-conditioning. A bottle of chardonnay fresh from the fridge. A candlelit dinner in an air-conditioned restaurant.

I’m afraid I don’t fall into the overwhelming majority who get turned on by the scent of Off! I’m no outdoorsman. I’m an indoorsman. My idea of “roughing it” involves room service and a nice view.

To me, a “romp in the woods” means a brief stroll in pleasant surroundings, followed by a hot shower and a few hours’ rest under a cool vent. At home.

I like a big, juicy steak off the grill as much as the next guy, but I like to eat it indoors, where there are no bugs. Lakes and rivers leave me cold. Camping is sexy only if you have a fetish for mosquito bites.

But that’s just me.

I wish all you woodsy types a happy, rousing Memorial Day weekend. Enjoy your outdoor “activities.”

Give my regards to Randy and Scruffy.